forgiveness

forgiveness was never a difficult thing for me to do.  i’ve forgiven people who’d hurt me so deep that it was impossible to see another tomorrow, to feel again, to live again.  i’ve always believed in the power of forgiveness eversince i could remember.  some might see it as a weakness on my part, that i tend to always give in too easily, let loved ones take advantaged of/pushed me over, etc.  i never see it that way.  i forgive because i love, i forgive because i empathize, i forgive because i believe, and i forgive because if God could forgive, who am i not to?  though the hurt put me in tears sometimes, but my heart was always at peace…  until recently… i’ve tried to reflect from within, and it only tightened the knot in my heart.  i just don’t have the heart to forgive this time.  i resent this, feel ashamed of and cried over it because i want to forgive, but i cannot comprehend why my heart just wouldn’t.  it hurts, and it hurts myself most in the end. 

i walk around with a heavy heart 
i sing a song of sadness
i feel the pain that wouldn’t go
i pray for love, for peace, for forgiveness…

“Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” ( Matthew 11:28 )

the mushy toki

ever had one of those nights when you just couldn’t really keep your eyes opened any longer and your body was longing to speed-dive into the bed, just to snuggle under the duvet amongst fluffy pillows, yet… you still wanna write down a few silly thoughts… not to share with anyone in particular, but to remind yourself some day what a silly girl you are? :p  i’m having that “one of those nights” tonight. maybe all those recent weddings, couple stories, friendships, etc that i’ve been listening/watching/reading lately have brought out the sentimenal best of me.  like d had said to me, “you’re such a hopeless romantic!” ;p i go awww… at the slightest hint of romance… someone asked me recently, “seriously, how do you find all these hearts???” my reply was simple, “i don’t ‘find them’…they are just there (and everywhere) waiting to say hello ))” i get teary and all touched by some random kindness… i used to cry alot (in private) about unhappy things.  now, i cried alot about things that touched my heart.  tears of silly moments, of warm, loving moments, of kindness, of love, of you, of him, of her, of me…  it’s all good.  goodnite silly mushy one… xoxo zzz… ~.~

so it is… come the new

i love starting the first day of a new month with a smile… i like the feeling of starting fresh…a new beginning, and it makes me feel i’m given yet another chance to leave behind things i don’t wanna drag along with me… i can’t pin point exactly what and why, but today i wanted to start a new personal blog, and leave the old one behind… deleting an old blog definitely does not erase the past, but at least i don’t have to see it again. :p a new beginning, so it is… thanks for sharing this new day with me. *hugs* xoxo…