forgiveness

forgiveness was never a difficult thing for me to do.  i’ve forgiven people who’d hurt me so deep that it was impossible to see another tomorrow, to feel again, to live again.  i’ve always believed in the power of forgiveness eversince i could remember.  some might see it as a weakness on my part, that i tend to always give in too easily, let loved ones take advantaged of/pushed me over, etc.  i never see it that way.  i forgive because i love, i forgive because i empathize, i forgive because i believe, and i forgive because if God could forgive, who am i not to?  though the hurt put me in tears sometimes, but my heart was always at peace…  until recently… i’ve tried to reflect from within, and it only tightened the knot in my heart.  i just don’t have the heart to forgive this time.  i resent this, feel ashamed of and cried over it because i want to forgive, but i cannot comprehend why my heart just wouldn’t.  it hurts, and it hurts myself most in the end. 

i walk around with a heavy heart 
i sing a song of sadness
i feel the pain that wouldn’t go
i pray for love, for peace, for forgiveness…

“Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” ( Matthew 11:28 )